Faded Away
by SaraStar
Summary: GregSara. After a traumatic car accident, Sara gets in a coma. When she wakes up, she suffers from permanent memory loss and recognizes none. Except one person.
1. Prologue

_New fanfiction. Greg/Sara. Set after **Way to Go**._

**NOTE: **English is not my first language. Please forgive me the possible grammatical mistakes (or tell me about them), and remember I'm trying my best not to make any.  
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**Faded Away**

My fault. **My **fault.

That was what was going through Greg's mind as he sped his car down the road. Thick raindrops took away his sight out of the front window, despite the rapidly moving up and down from the windscreen wipers, desperately trying to wipe away the water. But Greg didn't care.

He pushed down the accelerator even more, racing forward and passing three cars at once. One of them honked the horn at him, but he just cursed under his breath and drove on.

His headlights shone down an empty road. The rain was still pouring down and raindrops splashed against the front window.

_My fault._

He had to get there in time. It didn't matter how, but he had to make it there, before…

Before it was too late.

Flashes of imagination he didn't want to live through, crossed his mind and he felt a huge shock, as if someone had just showered him with icy cold water. No. That was not happening. She couldn't do that to him, right?

_Please, Sara. Don't do that to me. I'm so sorry._

_  
_Greg gasped, as he saw a car in front of his all of the sudden, which halted abruptly. He hit the brakes immediately.

His tires screeched over the wet asphalt and he got thrown forward, for he hadn't bothered to fasten his seat belt.

His head hit the steering wheel hard. Pain flooded through his head immediately and he cursed once again, as he rubbed his forehead.

After the pain had gotten a little less, he narrowed his eyes, trying to look through the pouring rain at the car in front of his. Why the hell wasn't it moving?

"You idiot! Get driving!"

The car behind his came to a stop too.

Greg grabbed hold of the door handle and pushed the car door open. He stepped out with one foot, trying in vain to cover his eyes from the rain.

No way. A queue of cars. Tears of despair jumped to Greg's eyes.

Without a moment of hesitation, he slam the door shut and started running. The rain streamed across his face, soaking him completely within a second.

As he ran, memories flashed through Greg's mind. Memories of Sara.

Sara wearing her dark blue CSI vest, with 'Sidle' written on the left side (or was it right?), the LVPD cap on her head, her darkbrown curls bouncing around her face. She held a camera in her hand and laughed at him.

Beautiful, sweet Sara. Why from everyone else was _she_ the one that this had to happen to?

Although his legs started hurting and the shortness of breaths caused a huge pain in his chest, Greg didn't stop running.

He jumped over a big pool of rain water, landed, and ran on again. Around the corner of his eye he saw a flash of headlights from an approaching car.

Even though in the back of his head he knew he should stop and let the car pass, his mind focused upon Sara told him to keep moving.

Stop. Move. Stop. Move. Stop. MOVE.

His mind won. He quickened his running even more, his lungs screaming for air. He heard the approaching car brake loudly, tires screeching.

It missed Greg just barely. He jumped aside, sliding on the wet ground, as the car came to a stop right next to his feet.

Greg slipped, lost his balance and fell flatly forward. He felt his face touch the asphalt. Then he passed out.

_My fault_.

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**To be continued. The next chapter is written and will be posted soon. Please let me know what you think.**


	2. Everything I'm Not

_A new chapter already. Thanks so much for the nice reviews:) I do hope you enjoy this chapter. Love, Eva 3_

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Chapter One // Everything I'm Not**

_**Earlier that day**_

Greg was on his way to the locker room. He brushed with a hand through his spikey hair and yawned.

He hadn't slept well at all last night. Why, he didn't know. But everytime he had closed his eyes, thoughts had started bumping uncontrolablly through his head. And when he had tried hard to keep his mind blank, everything seemed to get worse.

He had flipped to his other side thousands of times and then closed his eyes again. But the whole thing had started from the beginning again.

And when he had finally managed to doze off, it had felt like a minute later when his alarm clock rang happily, waking him from his precious sleeping.

Still halfly asleep, Greg wandered through the hallway of the Las Vegas crime lab, but then stopped dead as he heard voices coming from the locker room.

"I told you, I told you!"

That was the excited voice of Catherine Willows. Definitely.

"Well, yeah, you did, but… I cannot believe it."

Warrick's voice. Greg held his breath, as he heard Catherine laugh and then: "It was about time. How long have they been spinning around each other? At least five years, I believe."

"Always," came in Nick's voice with the Texan accent. "There has always been some kind of tenstion between the two of them."

Greg suddenly felt a wave of fear coming over him. Could it be that they were talking about… ? No, no. No way.

He shook his head firmly and started walking again. He entered the locker room.

Catherine was leaning against her locker, Warrick stood next to her and Nick was sitting on the bench. A dead silence fell as Greg walked in.

He prentended not to notice anything, hoping they wouldn't stop whatever they were discussing. Which was _not_ what he dread it was. Right?

Greg opened his locker. He could feel all of their eyes at him. No longer able to keep pretending he had no idea what was going on, he turned around quickly.

"Uhm… did I missed something?" he mumbled, looking from Nick, to Warrick, to Catherine and back to Nick.

Catherine glanced at Nick, raising her eyebrows. "He doesn't know yet."

"Greggo, seriously?!" Nick turned towards him, smirking.

"Man, it's the news of the day," Warrick pointed out, with a grin at his face.

Greg looked at the other CSI's annoyedly. They all seemed to enjoy keeping him in suspense, while he was so eager to know what the hell was going on.

"Well, now's the time to tell me the news of the day then."

Catherine grinned and slam the door of her locker shut, showing intention to leave. "Let's just say that Sara and Grissom have, uhm… taken a step further," she said.

Once again Greg felt his stomach turn in fear. Had Catherine just confirmed his fearful suspicions?

"A step?" he muttered, in a shaky voice.

"_The_ step," Nick said, laughing, as he got to his feet.

Greg said nothing. There was no way of defying it now. He just stood there, nailed to the floor and not able to move at all.

"Yup, Greggo, it actually happened," Warrick said, patting the frozen younger CSI on his shoulder.

Still laughing, the three of them walked away, leaving Greg behind. He slowly sunk down to the bench.

The tiredness he had felt when he just came here had completely disappeared, but judging the way he was feeling right now, he'd a hundred times rather be tired.

_Grissom and Sara. Sara and Grissom. _

So it had happened after all. Six years of chasing after Sara Sidle had all been in vain. Wasted, spilled. She still saw him as a friend; maybe not even that. Maybe just as a co-worker, who was, moreover, younger and less experienced than she was.

But then why had there been so many occasions Greg was certain that he meant more to Sara than just that?

First of all had she agreed in his date question. True, it wasn't exactly clear it would be a date, but Catherine had told him he shouldn't tell Sara it was a date when he asked her out. Why, actually?

Greg shook his head. That was not important. What _was_ important, was that Sara had said "Sure." _Sure_! As if it were extremely ordinary; as if Greg had asked her out millions of times before.

In the end they hadn't gone out, but Greg had always been certain that that was because Sara had been busy, not because of a lack of interest. Work just had the highest priority in Sara Sidle's life.

But now he started doubting. Maybe she really hadn't cared whether they'd take their breaks at the same time or not.

Then there was the time when the roles had been swapped. She had been the one who asked him if he wanted to celebrate with her after their shift.

Now when Greg thought of that he could kick himself so much for not agreeing in that. He wondered if he had actually answered at all. His head had been to occupied with their case. Again a chance had passed by.

Another occasion jumped to his mind. "I could really, really kiss you right now." That was what she had said to him. Why, why, why hadn't she done it?

_Because you turned away. _

_  
_Greg cursed loudly and banged his head against the locker in front of him. Pain flooded through his forehead immediately. Could there be any bigger loser in the world than he was? He had had so many opportunities to win Sara Sidle's love, but he had blown them all. Had screwed up every chance he had gotten.

And now it was too late.

"Greg?"

A voice forced him away from his thoughts; back to reality. It was a beautiful voice, but unfortunately belonged to the very last person he wanted to face at the moment. 

"Greg?"

It echooed through his mind. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and the voice very close to his ear now.

"Greg, are you okay?"

He turned his head slowly, facing the concerned brown eyes of Sara Sidle.

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**To be continued. Hopefully soon.**


	3. Speechless

_I apologize for the delay. I've written this chapter awhile ago, but until know I just couldn't find the time to type it up. Well, here it is finally. I'm not completely satisfied with how this chapter came out, but it was hard and had to be written or else I couldn't move on with the storyline.  
Because of a review I got, I want to point out that this it not going to be a Grissom/Sara fic. It might sound like it so far, but it won't. I hope I haven't chased away readers by saying this, though. :)_

Anyway, enough talking. I hope you enjoy. / Eva. PS: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters. I means so much.  
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Chapter Two // Speechless**

She stared back at him, worry in her beautiful brown eyes. Greg looked at her for awhile, opened his mouth to say something, but then realised he had not the faintest idea what to say.  
Of everyone Greg wanted to tell about his misery, Sara was the very last person. (With the possible exception of Conrad Ecklie, maybe.)  
Under normal circumstances he'd fully trust Sara; he had always done that. She was a good listener, and she had always helped him out.

But right now, when she herself was the reason for his sadness and self-pity, it seemed impossible. How was he ever going to explain this to her?

She nudged him softly, causing him to froze by her touch.

"Hey. What's going on with you? You look all pale."

No longer able to gaze into those eyes, Greg turned off his face and stared down at his feet.

"I'm… I'm okay," he mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

"No, you're not, obviously," Sara insisted.

Greg closed his eyes for a second, wishing badly she'd just disappear. This was killing him. He needed to be alone; or rather, he needed her to leave him. He couldn't bear to have her around. Not right now.

"Nevermind, Sara. I just didn't sleep very well last night." As he said this, he suddenly realised that, ironically enough, that wasn't even a lie. Had his mind somehow foreseen this was going to happen today? Greg almost felt like laughing. (Almost.)

"Well, alright then." Sara sighed, apparently giving up. She rose from the bench to open her locker, but Greg suddenly, not knowing what he was doing, grabbed hold of her arm.  
She turned to him, looking startled.

"Is it true?" He looked straight into her face.

"About…" Greg swallowed. "About you and Grissom."

Her eyes widened in shock. But she recovered almost immediately.

"What about us---me and Grissom?" she mumbled, her cheeks slightly reddening.

"Catherine said that…"

"What did Catherine say?" Sara looked at Greg expectantly, halfly impatient and halfly scared.

"That you guys are… together… now."

There. It was out. He had said it. He had actually managed to let the words pass his lips.

Sara just turned around and opened her locker, as if she hadn't heard Greg.

"Sara?"

She just began stuffing her coat into her locker, ignoring him.

"Sara!"

Now she spun around in a single move, glaring at him. "It's none of your business, Greg! It's nobody's business, as a matter of fact."

"Hey, that was just what you said when I asked about Hank."

Sara's eyes widened once again. "I can't believe you!" was the only thing she said, before walking past him.

But Greg was not letting her get away with it that easily. He ran after her and jumped in front of her, blocking the doorway.  
"Get out of my way, Greg."

"Not before you answer my question."

She folded her arms across her chest, tapping her foot on the floor impatiently. She said nothing, but pressed her lips together.

"Is it true?"

He needed her to say it; he somehow wanted her to confirm it. When she had said it, he would be entirely sure it was true. That it was over for him. Although in the back of his head he knew it had been over long before that day.

"Damnit, Greg. Don't meddle with things you don't know anything about!" Sara shouted, trying to push past him, but he stopped her.

"I know exactly what this is about," Greg said, angrily. He held her arm so she couldn't pass him, but Sara shrugged herself free.

"Let go of me!"

"Are you and Grissom together?"

"Shut up, Greg!"

"Not until you tell me the truth!"

"I do not own you _any_ explanation! This has nothing to do with you!"

They both started screaming louder with every word, trying to overblow each other's voice.

"Sure it has!"

"Why the hell? I mean, why would you care about Grissom and me anyway?!"

"Maybe because I still like you! Have you ever thought about that!"

A total dead silence fell after Greg had said that, as if someone had just turned the sound off with a remote control.

They stood frozen at their spots. Sara stared at Greg speechlessly. Greg stared back and couldn't even believe himself that he had really said that. He hadn't meant to; it just slipped out of his mouth. Unintentionally.

At last, what seemed like hours to Greg, Sara broke the silence.

"You… you don't mean that," she said, in a shaky voice.

"I do."

"You _have_ never even liked me."

"Oh, I don't?"

She looked at him. Her eyes showed a mixure of confusion and anger. But strangely enough, also sadness. "You never did."

Greg said nothing.

"You… you really have no right to do this to me, Greg. You have never liked me, if you did you would've told or showed me way earlier. We've worked together for SIX YEARS!"

Greg's jaw dropped. Tell her? Show her? How much more obvious could he have possibly made it?

But by the time he had found the words to tell her this, she had long passed him and stormed out of the locker room, the clicking sound of her shoes on the floor fading away in the hallway.

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**To be continued. Reviews are very welcome!**


	4. Fallen Apart

_A new chapter up already. Thanks so much for the lovely reviews; it encourages me. I wrote this chapter yesterday evening and got pretty happy about the outcome. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing it. :) _

The italic printed text are parts from the amazing song 'When It All Falls Apart', by The Veronicas. So no, I don't own it, neither do I own Sara or Greg.

// Eva.

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Chapter Three // Fallen Apart**

_What do you do when it all falls apart?_  
A cold wind blew raindrops into Sara Sidle's face as she hurried her way down the parking lot to her car. The weather was a perfect reflection of the way she felt at that moment; thunder indicated the rage that was boiling inside of her, wind formed the confusion and disbelief about everything Greg had just said to her. And finally the raindrops like the tears that badly wanted to leave her eyes, but she did not allow them.  
_  
Don't know where I parked my car_.

Not making any attempt to protect her head and face from the rain, Sara ran on through all of the parked cars. Eventually she reached hers, standing in a lonely corner of the parking lot; the corner where none wanted to park their car, because it was the farest away from the Lab entrance.

Sara hurriedly opened the car, her hands trembling, and got in, slamming the door as loud as she could. It felt great to do that.

She placed her key in the ignition, about to start the engine, as she caught sight of a person approaching the car in the rear-view mirror. No. She did not want to face him.

She kept her hand to the key in the ignition, wanting to turn it and drive away, but somehow she remained sitting still. Frozen. Her eyes were focused upon him in the rear-view mirrow running towards the car.

"Sara", she saw his mouth say. "Sara, wait!"

She knew that he knew that she had seen him. If she wouldn't drive away now, he'd definitely see that as a sign that she wanted to see him. But she didn't.

_Then why aren't you driving_?, said a voice in her mind. _Drive, drive_. But still she did not move.

He was now only a few metres removed from the car. She could vaguely hear him scream her name.

Closer he came. Closer. Closer, until he halted next to the window of the driver's seat. He knocked at it, firmly. Sara turned her face to him and shot him a dead glance. He just stared at her desperately. Once again he knocked, slammed, commanded her to open the window.

Then Sara saw his hand moving towards the door handle.

Now. In one move, Sara turned the key around and hit the accelerator with her foot. The car sped forward, passing Greg, who stood there miserably.

The radio jumped on and the sound of loud electric guitars, mixed up with drums, filled the air. Sara turned the volume all the way up, until the loudness was nearly unbearable.

Her tires screeched as Sara turned around a corner. She seriously had no idea where she was heading for; if she was even heading for anything. All she knew was that she wanted to get away from there. From him. From everything that had just happened. Erase it, delete it.

_Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?_

Her eyes suddenly caught sight of an half empty beer bottle lying hidden underneath the passenger's seat. She closed her eyes for a slight second. No. She wasn't going to do this. That was the old way of dealing with her problems, drowning herself in alcohol. But she had moved on, she had gotten over that. Right?

But by the time she opened her eyes again, she had already stretched out her arm and grabbed the bottle from the floor. She stared at the object in her shaking hand for awhile, as if not knowing what to do with it, then she placed it to her lips and took a large sip.

_And not to mention, I drank too much_.

She knew she shouldn't. Of course she did. She knew it from the second she saw the bottle at the floor, til the moment she swallowed the alchohol, feeling her throat burn. But right now she did not care. She couldn't care less.

_It was all going so well, before you came_.

Greg. Greg, Greg. GREG. Why was he doing this to her?

She thought she had finally gotten her life together. A new beginning, after all the misery. And he had ruined it. Had brought back all of her vanished doubts.

And not to mention ruined their friendship, that was so important to her. She didn't know why, but for some reason she always felt happy with Greg around. They could talk about everything, like best friends.

She thought he felt the same way. But he had experienced everything completely different. Why had she never taken notice of that? Maybe he wasn't the stupid one. Maybe _she_ was.

_Don't know who my real friends are, anymore._

She approached a crossroad. It was unclear whether the alcohol was to blame or another reason, but instead of slowing down, she pushed down the accelerator even more.

If she had paid attention to the road, she would have seen it. Seen it coming right up to her in opposite direction.

But she didn't.

Well, she did, but at that time it was already too late. The last thing she saw were the headlights shining straight into her face, before the car crashed into hers. _Another one ending, once again_.

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**To be continued. Let me know what you think, please!**


	5. Hope To Hold Onto

_Once again, I apologize for the delay. Here's the next chapter finally. Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews, they cheer me up so much. Your support means a lot. _

I hope you enjoy this. hugs tight Eva.

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Chapter Four // Hope To Hold Onto**

"Gil, please just sit down."

Catherine was sitting on a bench in the hallway of the hospital, her legs crossed over each other and her eyes fixed upon her co-worker and friend Gil Grissom. In the past five minutes he had gone from sitting, rising, sitting again, jumping up all of the sudden and walking up and down aimlessly. Now he was standing frozen with his back turned to Catherine, just staring into the distance.

Catherine could no longer stand it; not because she didn't understand him, but he made her worried mind go even crazier. She, too, felt the need to run around and scream why the hell everything was taking so long. Why they still hadn't heard anything. But, opposed to her colleague, she had so far managed to defeat that desire and sit still, waiting. Waiting for the news they both dread and at the same time were dying to hear.

Grissom slowly turned around by Catherine's speaking and looked at her. His face was awfully plae and he seemed extremely far away in his own thoughts. He didn't make any attempt to follow up Catherine's demand.

"Look, Gil, I'm worried, too, okay? But we're not gonna hear anything until long… let's just stay calm for now," Catherine said, that last thing more to herself than to Grissom.

If Grissom had heard her, he didn't show that. He just looked at her, as if he didn't know who she was. It scared Catherine; those icy eyes didn't belong to the Grissom she knew.

Eventually she stood up from the bench, mumbled something about going to the bathroom and walked away along the long hallway. Her heels resounded on the desolate floor. She had no idea where she was going, but she needed some fresh air. The tense atmosphere was killing her.

Catherine pushed the revolving doors leading to the stairs open and made her way down. She sunk down at one of the last steps, holding onto the arm-rail. Her head was spinning; she couldn't get the images of Sara on that stretcher off of her mind.

How the doctors screamed at each other, in terms she had never heard of in her entire life, while they rode the stretcher down the corridor. She and Grissom had run after them, but a nurse had halted them, telling them they weren't allowed to come along. The doctors and Sara had disappeared through a door and they hadn't heard a damn thing since.

Catherine checked her watch. Forty-five minutes had passed. What was happening to Sara? Once again a wave of fear hit her stomach and she shivered.

"Catherine!"

She jumped and looked up to see who had called her name. At first she didn't recognize him, but then she knew it.

It was Greg; he was completely soaked, as if he had just climbed out of a pool. His face was bruised all over and in his eyes stood confusion. He came running right up to her.

"Greg!" Catherine exclaimed, shocked.

He stopped in front of her and looked at her. "Where is she? Is she alright?!" he shouted, in a strange, hoarse voice.

"The doctors are with her now, I don't know---"

"I have to see her!"

Greg stormed past her, but Catherine grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "Greg! Greg, wait. You cannot see her. She's in surgery."

Greg's face pallid, if possible, even more and it seemed to take awhile before he had found the words to react. "Su-surgery? But… she's alright, isn't she?"

Catherine shot him a miserable glance. "I-I don't know, Greg. We haven't heard anything yet."

"But… I have to see her!"

He tried to push past her once again and Catherine had to use all of her strength to stop him.

"Let go of me! I have to see --- I have to… it's my fault, it's all my fault…" Greg's voice broke down and he gave up the fight. He hung his head and shoulders.

Catherine softly pushed him down and he sunk through his knees obediently and sat down on the lowest step of the stairs.

"Greg, calm down, please."

She sat down next to him, slightly scared. She had never seen Greg like this; so miserable and out of control. He was always the cheerful guy that lit up the Lab with his crazy humour.

"What are you talking about; your fault?"

He didn't respond, but turned to her, grabbed hold of her shoulders and looked her straight into the face.

"She will be fine, won't she? Ha, won't she?!" he demanded, softly shaking her.

Catherine held her breath, afraid what he was going to do if she didn't give him the answer he wanted to hear.

"I… I really don't know, Greg…" she muttered.

"But she has to be! She has to!" Terror flashed in Greg's brown eyes.

"Greg, come on, you really have to calm down."

Catherine freed herself out of Greg's grip. "Let me get you something to drink, then you can tell me what---"

"Catherine!"

Worriedly, Catherine looked up and saw Grissom standing at the top of the stairs. "Yeah?"

"There's news… about Sara," Grissom said. "The doctor's here."

With that he spun around and left hurriedly.

Catherine exchanged glances with Greg. News? Good news? Bad news? The question hang in the air without being actually asked, but both of them knew what the other was thinking.

Catherine was the first one to turn around and walk up the stairs. Greg slowly followed her. It felt like his legs wouldn't work properly anymore, so much effort took it to climb up the steps.

He held close the arm-rail, as if it were hope he was trying to hold onto. Hope. Hope that the news they would soon hear was news he wanted to hear. Hope that Sara was going to be okay.

Hope that he would soon awake and realize everything was a nightmare. Hope that he could somehow go back in time and prevent everything from happening.

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**To be continued. :)**


	6. Guilt Trip

_I'm so sorry for the delay. I've been very busy with school, but... Christmas holiday is here now and as I promise in my profile, I have a new chapter up. Thanks so much for the reviews of the last chapter! They make me so happy._

I hope you enjoy this chapter. Merry Christmas and happy New Year to all of you! With love, Eva.**

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**Chapter Five // Guilt Trip**

Greg's hand was trembling as he placed it upon the door handle. He stood there motionlessly for a few minutes, scared of what was waiting for him behind that door. He really wanted to go in, but somehow his feet seemed stuck to the floor.

As he finally found enough courage, he pushed down the door handle, holding his breath. The door swung open.

She seemed so small, lying there on her back in that hospital bed, hands down next to her at each side, surrounded by all kinds of machines, which beeped every now and then. The white, black-spotted hospital dress coloured her already pale face even whiter. Half of her face was hidden underneath the oxygen mask. Greg barely recognized her as his own Sara.

He shut the door, softly, as if not to wake her. He inched closer to the bed, until he was standing right next to her.

"Sara…" His own whisper startled him. "Sara, it's Greg."

Slowly he placed his hand on top of Sara's on the bed. It felt cold, but he didn't pull back.

"I don't know if you can hear me… t-they said you were in a coma…" He swallowed. "I remember we studied comas in school, but I never exactly understood what it was… so… guess I should study some more, ha." He laughed, although it sounded more like a sob. She didn't make any move.

He wanted her do something; glare at him, if she wanted to, for being such a bad student. Or just roll her eyes, what she normally would've done. But not just this lying still.

Was she even breathing? What did all those frikkin' beeps around him mean?

Greg sighed and sunk down to the chair standing next to the bed. "I bet you could explain me all about comas. You know everything, Sara…"

He was rambling random stuff. Why? Wasn't he just avoiding the subject he wanted to talk to her about? Hadn't he just forgotten what was going on here?

Oh no, no. No. He knew, he certainly knew.  
_  
My fault, my fault_. It was still ringing through his head. He knew he was to blame for what happened to Sara. He was the reason why she was so upset.

What had come over him? When he thought back at the way he had interfered Sara on her love life, he felt a wave of shame in his stomach.

"_You have no right to do this to me." _That's what she had said to him; and she was right. He had absolutely no right to meddle with Sara's life… her life with Gil Grissom.

The thought of Sara and Grissom together caused Greg to wince again. He let go of Sara's hand and stood up from the chair, backing away, as if the motionless girl in the bed suddenly scared him.

What was he doing here? She didn't belong to him; she never would. He had come here to apologize to her. To explain. So he had to do that and go. Right?

Greg sighed, feeling tears burn behind his eyes again. "I… I'm sorry, Sara… I'm so sorry I did this to you…"

His voice broke down. No response followed to his whisper. She just remained lying in that same postion.

"I don't know why I yelled at you like that… I guess it was because… because you really mean a lot to me. More than I can tell you. But… when I found out about you and… well, about you guys, it just felt like… I was too late. I had always hoped that someday…"

…_you'd see me the way I see you. _He couldn't get the words past his lips. "Well, I guess you know what I mean… hopefully. 'Cause if not I'd have to explain it again and that would be hard for me, you know. I just want to get it over with, so I hope you understood what I mean, you know, and that I won't have to tell it again, you know."

Okay, he had to slow down. Under normal circumstances, Sara would've moved her hand up and down, signalling him to stop his rambling. He pictured that in his mind and took a deep breath.

"Well, the point of what I was saying is… that I love you. And I always will, even if you'll never love me back. So yeah… I'm sorry, Sara. I hope you can forgive me. Please, forgive me."

Greg looked at her expectantly. He needed her to give him a sign she had heard him. A sign that she would forgive him.

Seconds passed by; nothing happened. Greg kept staring at her. Suddenly, the door was opened and a nurse popped her head in.

"Excuse me, sir. Visit hour is over. You need to leave."

Greg nodded. "I'll be out in a minute," he said, softly.

The nurse nodded her head, smiling. "Take your time." She disappeared.

He took Sara's hand in his. Once again he whispered: "Forgive me, Sara."

He was about to let go of her and leave the room, as, all of a sudden, he felt a tiny, tiny squeeze in his hand. It was only a split second, but it certainly had been there.

And it was enough for Greg. She had forgiven him. He knew it now.

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**To be continued, ASAP. :)**


	7. Mixed Up In My Head

_I'm so very, very sorry for the extremely long delay. I have been out of inspiration on all of my fics for awhile and therefore I couldn't manage to get the chapter finished. But today it finally worked out. :D It was a hard chapter to write, so I do hope you guys will like it. Thanks for all the lovely reviews, they were the reason I didn't give up on the story. x Eva._

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**Chapter Six // Mixed Up In My Head**

_"Sara."  
_It rang in her ears, echooing throughout all of her brains. Again. And again. Sometimes it was just a whisper, sometimes it got so loud it was nearly unbearable.

"_Sara. Sara."  
_Sara. What was Sara? Was she Sara? Was she supposed to respond? She tried to say something, but she couldn't get any sound out of her mouth.

"_Sara…"  
_It went farther away from her, as if someone was slowly turning down the volume of a stereo. She tried to keep hold of it, but in vain.  
Then all of a sudden, it became louder and louder. She tried to scream. This had to stop, she couldn't take this anymore.  
Terror surged her body. She was stuck in darkness in front of her eyes, she couldn't move, she couldn't scream. She fell…

Her eyes blinked open. Lights shone right into her face. Everything around her looked white. She tried to move her hand. It worked, finally. She could move again. She let out a sigh of relief. Very slowly she lifted her head up. Carefully she examined the place. She was lying in a bed, the white blankets covering her legs. Machines circled around her. Was she… was this a hospital? Oh, God. What was she doing in a hospital bed?

Her head ached badly and she dropped it back to the pillow. Her eyes began to see more clearly now. She blinked a few more times and stared at the ceiling. Her heart was pounding. She felt a slight feeling of panic. She didn't have the faintest idea how she got there in that bed and why.

She clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes closed, trying hard to remember what could've happened that led her to this hospital. She failed. Nothing. There were simply no memories or whatsoever. How was that even possible? Could it be true that her entire memory had been erased?

No. No way.

She shook her head, desperately trying to get that horrible thought off of her mind. Her heart was now hammering in her chest painfully.

All of a sudden, the door of the room flew open and she jumped. In the doorway stood a stranger. A tall, middle-aged guy, with grey hair and a beard. His eyes widened as he noticed her sitting up.

"SARA!"

She froze by his cry. Sara. Again. So she wàs Sara. Then another realization hit her. Struck her. Knocked her out. _She did not know who she was_. She felt dizzy and grabbed hold of the bed not to fall.

The guy inched closer to her. His eyes looked at her surprisedly. "Sara, honey. You're awake at last!"

He halted right next to her and tried to take her hand, but she rejected immediately, backing away so he couldn't reach her. She looked at him terrifiedly and he stared back, completely lost. "Honey, what's wrong?"

She was trembling. Who the hell was this guy? What was he doing here? And why did he keep on calling her 'honey'?

"I… who…" Her voice sounded hoarse.

"It's Gil… Grissom, honey. Are you okay?" His face was pale and he seemed worried about the fact she didn't know who he was. He once again reached for her hand, but she pulled back again.

"Sara…"

"Oh, my God, Sara!"

Once again she jumped, as the heard a woman's voice shouting her name. She turned her head and faced a redhaired woman. She seemed just as surprised as the older guy, apparantly named Grissom, to see her awake. But once again, she had no idea who the woman was, while the woman obviously knew her very well. Her head was spinning.All of this was so confusing. It felt like the world was way ahead of her and she was running to keep up with it.

Grissom turned around and looked at the woman. "Catherine… something isn't right. She… she doesn't seem to recognize us."

The woman frowned, then walked up to her. "Sara? It's Catherine. Do you remember me?"

She looked at woman that called herself Catherine for awhile. She dug into her mind, desperately trying to find any recognition. But she had nothing. She simply did not know who this woman was. Slowly she shook her head. "N-no…" she muttered.

Catherine exchanged looks with Grissom. He looked at her. The expression at his face was close to despair.

"Perhaps we should call the doctor?" Catherine suggested. She sounded slightly scared.

Suddenly she felt her anger rising. She didn't understand what the hell was going on here and they wouldn't do anything, but talk about her as if she were crazy. Well, perhaps she wàs crazy.

She was about to start screaming, as yet another person entered the room. He was much younger than Catherine and Grissom. She froze, clutched onto the bed and stared at him. And this time it was not because he scared her, but because she felt a strange, recognizable feeling when she looked at him.

"Sara! You're awake!"

She felt the fear she had felt seconds before slowly fading away. She definitely knew that voice. Although she did not know who it belonged to, she did recognize it.

He ran up to her and embraced her without hesitating. And strangely enough, she did not feel the need to pull away. Somehow it felt safe. Why, she had no idea. But she wrapped her arms around him too and held him tightly.

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**To be continued. **


	8. The Reason Is You

_Again, I'm so sorry for the long wait. But here's the new chapter. It's longer and happier than the chapters so far, but I think a little happiness is appropiate after all the misery. I enjoyed writing this chapter very much, and I do hope you enjoy reading it. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Happy Easter to everyone!_

Eva

PS: Oh, and credit to Nikki for the title. lmao Thanks for this song addiction!  
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**Chapter Seven // The Reason Is You**

Her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, Sara was sitting in her hospital bed. She had opened the window, allowing the cool morning breeze to enter the room. She stared into the growing daylight, enjoying the wind that softly blew through her hair. She had not been given permission to go outside yet; now for almost five days. She felt locked up in this small, cramped room; claustrophobic. Feeling the coolr air on her fragile skin, made her able to breathe again. It was like an escape; although she still felt trapped and stuck, and the fact that she was in this room had nothing to do with it.

She was trapped in her own life. She did not know who she was, where she came from and how she ended up here. She did not know who those people were, that came by everyday to see how she was doing. Their eyes filled with concern drove her mad; they were hurt to see her like this, while she had no idea what happened or why these people care about her. She knew their names, now that they had told her, but the names did not ring a bell, they did not make even the slightest sense to her, no matter how deep she dug into her memory.

There was the tall, black guy and the blackhaired guy who always came. They both seemed very nice, but she didn't know who they were. Then there was the redhaired woman, who always companied the other guy, with the beard. Everytime he would look at Sara, his eyes begged her for recognition, but she'd always just shrug her shoulders, telling him 'she was sorry, but she didn't know who he was.' He was a sweet man, though; Sara could tell that by the way he looked at her. But yet she could not fully trust him.

Strangely enough, there was only one person she trusted, even though she had no idea why. But he somehow made her feel safe; he was the only one that she, faintly, somewhere deep away in her memory, recognized, as if from very long ago. However, his name she only knew because he had told her that. Greg. But yet, he was the reason she had not totally given up on this. That she had not yet let go of her life; she was clutching onto it desperately. The doctor had told her there was a chance her memory would return. "It will just take some time."

Some time. But how long was some time? Weeks? Months? Years, maybe?  
Furiously, Sara kicked out her legs, immediately crumbling down from the pain; her left leg was broken. She accidently knocked over the vase with flowers next to her bed. With a loud bang it hit the floor and the vase broke. Water flooded all sides up. Sara clenched her fists with anger, but then she broke out into soft sobs. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. This was driving her insane. It made her angry; moreover it made her scared. Terrified.She was lost. Lost in her own life.

"Sara? Are you alright?"

His voice. Greg's voice. She immediately looked up and saw him standing in the doorway, looking worried. "Hey, Greg!" she said, relieved.

He smiled and walked to her bed. When he noticed her watery eyes, he asked: "Did… did something happen?"

She shook her head. "No… I'm just… I'm going crazy, you know? I feel so… scared…"

Greg sat down at the bed end and took Sara's hand. "Yeah, I get it. I guess…" He grinned and shrugged. "It's kinda hard to imagine what you're going through right now, for me."

Sara smiled. "Yeah… I don't even understand it myself…"

"I wish there was something I could do."

"You're doing it."

"Huh?" He frowned.

Sara smirked. "I will explain it later. Don't feel like talking about it now."

"Alright… I guess. Then what do you feel like doing?"

She looked at him, then turned her face to the open window, gazing longingly into the city. "I want to go out."

"Out?"

Sara turned to look at Greg's questioning face. "Away from this stupid room. Out. Breathing in real air again."

"But Sara… you're still very weak-"

"I'm not weak!"

"… And you can't even walk; your leg's still broken."

"Then we'll steal a wheelchair." Sara's eyes were twinkling with excitement now. Greg, however, didn't seem very sure about this.

"But what if…"

"What if what?" shouted Sara. "What can happen? Only a couple of hours, Greg. Please." She pouted. "Please?"

Greg hesitated. "What if something happens and you'll get worse?"

"I don't care about that now." Sara folded her arms across her chest childlessly.

Greg looked at her for awhile, then he burst out laughing. "Alright, alright. But it's not my fault if we're getting caught."

Sara's eyes lit up.

"So where do I steal a wheelchair?"

"Down the hall, there's a red door to the room where they store the wheelchairs and other stuff from the hospital. I don't think it's locked."

Greg put up his thumb and winked. "I'll be right back!"

He snug out of the room and Sara sighed happily. A few minutes later, the door flew open again and Greg entered the room, pushing a wheelchair.

"Nobody seen you?" Sara asked.

"Nah," Greg answered, as he pushed the wheelchair further and closed the door behind him, "a nurse was wondering what I was doing, and I told her I had community service in the hospital and that they needed the wheelchair for a very special emergency."

Sara smirked. "I bet you did. Now, come here with that thing."

Greg placed the chair in front of the bed. "Let me help you…"

He put an around around Sara's shoulders, with the the other one he took her legs and carefully he lifted her up from the bed.

"Greg, I can do this myself---Greg!" Sara shouted, although she sounded amused.

He didn't listen, but walked to the wheelchair carrying her in her arms. Then he carefully placed her in the chair. She couldn't help smiling at the way he handled her, as if she were porcelain. "Thanks, Greg."

Greg opened the door and turned his head from left to right to check if none was around. "I believe the coast is clear… off we go!"

He pushed Sara in the wheelchair in front of him and left the room. The hallway was deserted.

"Okay, quickly, before someone's coming," Sara said. She felt a childlish wave of excitement in her stomach. Right now she did not care about anything. The thoughts that were bugging her previously now seemed very far away.

Greg hurried along with the wheelchair. They had almost reached the elevator, as all of a sudden a nurse and a doctor came out of the room. Without hesitating, Greg kicked open the door to the man's bathroom and he turned the wheelchair in a sharp bend, causing Sara to almost fall out of it.

"Greg!" Sara hissed, grabbing hold of the wheelchair, as Greg rode the wheelchair at full speed into the man's bathroom. The door fell shut behind them just as the doctor and nurse passed by.

"Phew." Greg breathed out. "That was close."

Sara shook her head, laughing. "You're nuts, you know that?"

Greg turned in one move and looked at her, surprised.

"What?" Sara said.

Greg stared at her, then smiled. "Nothing, nevermind. I think they're gone now. Let's go."

They left the bathroom and without further problems they managed to reach the ground floor. Casually, Greg walked through the entrance hall with Sara, smiling politely at everyone who looked their way. He pushed the wheelchair through the revolving doors and left the hospital.

Sara smiled as she felt the wind in her hair and breathed in the fresh air. Greg pushed the wheelchair up a bridge and there he stopped, so Sara could look out over the water. The sight of the sunlight reflecting in the water, the sound of cars honking, the mess of traffic and people hurrying their way down the streets; it made her feel alive again. For the first time since she had woken up in that damned hospital bed, she wasn't feeling completely lost.

She looked up at Greg. "Thanks for taking me here."

"You're welcome. I couldn't really resist that pouting look you gave me."

She laughed. "Well, I'm just happy it worked."

"So Sara… I was just wondering… what did you mean when you said I'm already doing something for you?"

Sara's face darkened slightly. "Well… it's hard to explain, actually."

"Try me."

"Well, I just… you're strangely enough the only person I trust. I mean, I don't recognize anyone who's coming by all the time… it's so scary, you have no idea. Everyone knows everything about you, while you yourself don't even know who you are. And somehow, you I know…"

Greg stayed silent. Sara turned her face away. "I know it makes no sense at all… I told you it was hard to explain. I'm just so messed up in my head right now."

Now Greg smiled and took her hand. "It's okay. Let's go have some fun now."

"Yeah, sounds good. So what do you want to-" She cut off, as Greg pushed the wheelchair further.

"No, Greg! No!"

The wheelchair gained speed as it rolled down the steep incline of the bridge. Greg stepped onto the frame, so he didn't have to run behind and held onto it tightly. He bend forward, his face close to Sara's, as they raced on. Sara's eyes lit up with happiness.

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